The Realization

Image above belongs to the show "Steven Universe"

I realized that when you leave then people don't call you back because they want to be strong for you so they won't hold you back because they know that this is for your own good. All they want is what is best for you, they want you to be happy; but I don't need someone to tell me they miss me as long as I know they do and I'm complete with my decision.

People stress and sometimes they express their emotions through fear and pain, which turns to anger because you can't handle it. You think you're never gonna like yourself and you have to hide a part of yourself-

But that's only partially true.

You can always be yourself next to the people who truly love you, but there are a few rules to that though. Some people can be dangerous.

I have a friend who used to be craving attention (which I will use the name Olivia for the sake of her privacy), I know her since the 3rd grade. I still am in contact with her. She always used to lie to people to get their attention, she used to steal things from other kids (as well as me and my friends). This one time in 4 or maybe 5th grade, she stole money and we had to involve the vice principle. Long story short, the vice principle said she'd have to involve the police if it goes on- and so she stopped seeking attention. Until 7th grade. I got really close with her in the time span between 6th-7th grade, and so I was close to her- that's why I can have a better and actual view about it.

One more thing before I tell what happened, I have to put a trigger warning about Self harm. Please skip the text in red if you get triggered easily. TW// Self Harm and Cyber Bullying

One day in 7th grade, Olivia came to school with cuts from the Lateral to the knuckles.. She wore a thin jacket as if she was trying to hide cuts, but it was visible she was trying to show them- because the jacket reached only until the lower part of the wrist. She came in school and she showed it to us (me and the group of friends we had at the time)- she said "I did it because I was bored"- while laughing.

I find what she did extremely disrespectful.

As a person who struggled with these sorts of things in the past for a few years- I felt really, really hurt by what Olivia did. I wanted to cry, I was upset- I couldn't believe she was seeking attention through self harm. Not only that; whenever another person from our class asked her what happened, she "bragged" that she cut herself last night. Utterly disgusting. I still can't believe she actually did that.

I'm still her friend to this day- and I really thought she stopped doing these things, but apparently now- I found out Olivia's using an alter account on Instagram to show people that she's being cyber bullied. How do I know it's an alter? My friend (which I'll call Emma for the sake of their privacy) talked to me about it- for I didn't know because I don't have Instagram. she showed me all the things that Olivia posted about her being cyber bullied, and she recognized the account she tagged to be cyber bullying her- they have a history in their direct messages, and so Emma realized she used her alter account to fake cyber bullying for attention.

Olivia posted a screenshot of what she and her "bully" talked about, and the "bully" told her to cut herself- and so, Olivia said "I actually used to"- and the "bully" replied; "then cut deeper".

Now, I have a few things to say about this.

You don't go online and and tell everyone that you harm yourself- and if you do, you do that on a private account which you let only close friends follow. I know she's seeking attention and compassion- though there are also actual horrible people on the internet, unlike her fake "bully"- they are actual horrible people who will come and tell people that they should harm themselves, terrible people that don't have empathy at the slightest. Not everyone are as kind- and it might be really, really dangerous to post on a public account that you harm yourself.

Not only that it's a disgusting action meant for attention seeking, knowing Olivia lied about it- it's also really dangerous.

So, how does this relate to what I was trying to say at all? A reminder- I was talking about being yourself next to people you love- and why you should be careful in who you choose to be true to. People can be liars- attention seekers that may want to use your information against you. You have to make sure you can trust these people- it's best to choose the people that you know for a fact that will be able to help you with your problems- people that you trust. It's even better if you have a friend who you know will be able to relate to you- for their empathy will be greater.

We all should realize- that there's not cure for who we are anymore.

But in all honesty, I think everyone struggling with mental or physical issues individually should think they are amazing- because if they went through all this, and survived, why should they care that they're supposedly a broken lost soul? I don't wanna sound narcissist- but I want people to know that the only person they're obligated into making happy is their own self, because really, every and each person individually is the only person they'll always have forever; no matter what, so I want to atleast make myself happy in the time I'll get to spend with myself.

We're not responsible for anyone's happiness, we're not obligated to make anyone happy, but ourselves. That's why I'll spend all eternity studying myself and I'll figure out what I want to do and who I want to be, I'll look forward for the future- and as I see it, I can't wait for the surprises that life will bring to me. After all, I'm the master of me. Only I get to choose for myself.

Never forget to show yourself a little love!

I love you all, keep going.